The Audacity of Dopes

In an unprecedented move, John McCain assumed the presidency on August 15, 2008. This was apparently necessitated because George W. Bush abdicated his throne. President McCain's first official act was to dispatch two prized members of his newly formed cabinet, known affectionately in the inner circle as Abbott & Costello, to Georgia to demonstrate that McCain means business when he says that we are all Geogians. There is talk of leaving new Georgian citizen, Secretary of State Joe Lieberman, in Tbilisi permanently just in case President Saakashvili makes a misstatement, because as it turns out, Lieberman's main talent is whispering.

There is one positive thing that one cay say about McCain's bold moves in response to Russia's aggressive military reaction to Georgia's provocative move on South Ossetia...he sure can take advantage of a situation that has next to nothing to do with him. Not only that, but he can sure spin a good yarn. To most of this country, including several people I have spoken to recently who don't have time to dig deeply into the news, Georgia, this shining beacon of democracy and brushed with just the hint of innocence, was sitting there pledging allegiance to its flag and encouraging open and unfettered free speech when all of a sudden, that mean neighborhood bully, Russia, decided to attack for no good reason. Those meanies!

It is only a matter of time before President McCain dispatches his elite squad of peacekeepers, the McCainanites, into the region to restore order. In McCain's expert assessment based on reports from Secretary of State Lieberman and Secretary of Defense Lindsay Graham, there is a requirement for a permanent force to restore order in the cities of Tbilisi and Gori. There is no need for the involvement or consultation with NATO, the United Nations or even the current but still resident regime of Bush, Cheney, Rice and the rest of the recently departed US Government.

The really lucky break for McCain is that his chief Georgian envoy, Randy Scheunemann, who until this spring was a lobbyist working directly with Georgia and most likely setting in motion the events that are now unfolding, is able to perform two very important functions: One, giving McCain tremendous insight into a region that he ordinarily would not be that familiar with; and two, giving Georgia exactly what it bought for the $800,000 they paid him, protection, appropriate representation and propulsion on to the world stage, and most importantly, having exclusive access to the next president of the United Stetes, the fabulous President John McCain.
I hope that throne hasn't made its way to the Smithsonian just yet, because we're going to need it.

Oh, and just a prediction. Just in case any of McCain's recent action garners any criticism that he may have overstepped his bounds or that he may be acting just a bit presumptuous, McCain's Right Wing henchmen are busy concocting the story that while in Hawaii this past week, Obama and his team were investigating whether Barack Obama or anyone in his family is related, even remotely, to former Hawaii monarch King Kamehameha, who ruled the Hawaiian Islands in the 18th and 19th centuries. If necessary, a well-placed ad will be released that alleges that Obama will ascend to the throne of Hawaii and plans to reclaim his rightful place as the new King of Honolulu.

There is always a silver lining. Maybe Barack can get me a deal at the Hyatt Regency!